Mysterious Repairs
by Scott10
Summary: Ever wonder how the Xavier Institute is always magically repaired after all the destruction that takes place every episode? So does Kurt. Nightcrawler wants answers and with the help of Cyclops he sets out to find them.
1. Curiosity

Chapter 1: Curiosity

Author's Notes: This is my first fic so be nice. I do not own X-men Evolution or any of the characters. They belong to Stan Lee. This story is meant to be funny and should not be taken seriously by any means. This isn't the funniest part of it, but trust me I'll have you rolling by the end of this. So without further adieu here it is...

***

Kurt drug himself from the Danger Room as sweat dripped from his brow. The Danger Room activities had been particularly strenuous today. He had been awakened by Wolverine at the butt crack of dawn who felt that a level three training simulation was in order. He, Scott and "Red" had made their way to what Kurt had dubbed "the torture chamber". The workout that ensued put several holes in the walls and left the floor littered with wires, shrapnel and hunks of twisted metal. 

As he pulled his fatigued body down the hallway towards his room a strange thought popped into his tired and weary mind. How did the mansion stay in tip top condition, when almost every Danger Room activity ended with the machines being completely leveled? Every morning when they woke up for their session the room was in perfect shape. He had never seen any construction workers and he knew that The Professor, Wolverine, Storm and Beast didn't clean it up. 

Who or what could fix the daily destruction that took place inside the institute? 

As Kurt dwelled on this thought, he realized that no one else had ever commented on the house's rapid reconstruction. With a curious glance at the Danger Room he headed down the hall to The Professor's chamber. If anyone knew how the house was repaired it would be him. After all, he did own it and seemed to be aware of every move that took place inside the mansion walls. 

Kurt headed for the office, but as he walked past one of the many open doors something caught his eye...

He peeked his head inside the room that Kitty and Rogue shared and smiled devilishly. 

Rogue was sitting on the edge of her bed and was passionately kissing what seemed to be a picture of Scott. Kurt grinned at his older sister's pathetic crush. 

She knew she could never compete with Jean, but that still hadn't stopped her from completely lusting after Scott since she'd first met him. 

As Rogue released the picture from her adoring embrace, she turned her head in his direction. At that moment her face transformed into an expression of pure embarrassment? ...anger? ...hatred? ...all of the above?

"Kurt! Get out of here, you annoying elf!" She shouted at him. 

"Does Roguey have a crush?" Kurt said in sing-song, thoroughly enjoying this, "I'd better go tell Scott."

Rogue ran towards him, "You'd better not, Kurt or Ah'm gonna pulverize you!"

"Ahhh, but you'll have to catch me first." Kurt said with a smirk. 

*Bamf*

"You are so dead!" Rogue yelled angrily. 

Kurt stood behind her on the bed, she didn't even realize he was still within ear shot.

She turned around and jumped at the sight of him.

"I think I'll take Scott vith me." Kurt said happily. 

"You're such an annoying little brother!" Rogue said lunging at him. 

*Bamf*

Next stop the Professor's office, Kurt thought with a grin. Then Kurt looked down at the photograph of Scott that was completely smudged with black lipstick. Kurt folded the picture and slipped it in his jean pocket. He'd give it back eventually..... for a price. If he could blackmail his older sister life wasn't worth living. 

He was just a few feet away now. Before Kurt could even take a hold of the bronze doorknob a voice echoed through his head...

/Kurt, what's seem to be the trouble?/ 

Kurt opened the office door and stepped inside. Bright sunlight filled his vision and he squinted against the intense glare. Xavier sat behind his mahogany desk as usual, shuffling through papers and folders. Kurt was in this office a lot, due to his practical jokes that no one seemed to find amusing except him. This was where punishment was dealt out. 

/What's on your mind?/ 

Kurt stepped closer and slipped into the leather chair across from him, "You're telepathic, you tell me." 

"You want to know how the damage to the institute is repaired."

Kurt smiled knowing that his question would soon be answered, "So you know then?"

Xavier narrowed his eyes and then opened his mouth to speak, "Actually.........no. I haven't the slightest idea how the mansion is repaired. I just assumed that I shouldn't ask as long as the job gets done."

"Vhat!?!" Kurt exclaimed as his jaw hit the floor, "Vhat kind of answer is that?"

"I'm sorry, Kurt, but there are some things even I don't have answerers for. But I'll tell you what I would do if I were you...forget about this. There are some things in life that no one should know." 

"No! I vill no accept that. I must know the truth." Kurt marched out of the office with a new determination. He would know the truth, even if it killed him. But first...

He'd pull Scott into it, that way if he got in trouble later, Scott would go down with him. 


	2. Crime and Punishment

Chapter 2: Crime and Punishment

PLEASE Read and Review. Thank you for reviewing my story thus far, the next chapter you will discover the truth. I was going to post chapter three tonight, but it isn't written to my satisfaction as of late. It will be posted tomorrow night. 

***

Scott sat on his bed reading A Tale of Two Cities, as Kurt appeared before him.

*Bamf*

"Hey, Cyke!" Kurt called.

Scott jumped up as his book fell to the floor with a thump. 

"Kurt, I've told you a million times! Don't sneak up on people like that!"

"But I didn't sneak up. I bamfed." Kurt explained. 

"Then don't bamf!"

"I don't have time to argue." Kurt said quickly, "I'm on a mission of great importance."

Scott adjusted his shades and arched an eyebrow, "Mission?"

"Yes."

"And what is this, oh so important mission?" Scott inquired. 

"To discover who repairs the mansion vhen no one is looking." Kurt put a hand over his heart. It reminded Scott of an army commercial that displayed a brave soldier with an American flag flapping in the background. 

"I never thought about that before." Scott wrinkled his nose, "You should ask the Professor."

Kurt rolled his eyes, "Because _I_ vasn't smart enough to think of that. Do you think I'd come to you for help before him?"

"The Professor doesn't know!?!" Scott exclaimed, "The all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful lord of the Xavier Institute? That's a first. He knows everything."

"Everyone's clueless. So I'm going to find out, but I need your help, mein freund." Kurt looked at the Cyclops as he rose from the bed.

"How am I supposed to help?" Scott asked. 

"Vhatever it is that's doing this is going to need bait. You and I vill have to supply it." Kurt looked down at his two-toed feet.

"Bait? What are you suggesting?" Scott arched an eyebrow.

"That you and I stage an argument and you completely optic blast away the dining room vall." Kurt replied.

"It could work." Scott said pondering it. 

"Of course it vill! I thought of it."

***

"You just need to get over Jean, Scott. She's just a tease, and she is just stringing you along because she knows she can." Kurt shouted.

"No she isn't!" Scott shot back, "She cares about me."

"Cares about you? Ha!" Kurt mocked, "I heard her telling Kitty she thinks Duncan's hotter than you." Kurt knew full well that he could easily push Scott over the limit by using Jean as an irritant. The right words would have the whole dining area demolished. Maybe he'd use on of the insults Lance threw at Scott daily for good measure. 

"What about Amanda? How can she like you? Your nothing but a freak!" Scott bellowed. 

Okay, now that stung, Kurt thought. This was just supposed to be acting, but two can play at this game...

"Hey goggle boy!" Kurt sneered.

"What you pointy-eared freak?" Scott retorted.

"Jean doesn't vant you Scott! She vants the fuzzy dud¾ "

Kurt's words were cut off as Scott's hand lifted up to remove his sunglasses and a blast of red raw energy flew towards him. 

"Yikes!" Kurt yelled, unprepared for the attack. He quickly closed his eyes.

*Bamf*

Kurt reappeared behind Scott just as the dinning room wall was knocked out. Kurt's mouth dropped as the mural covered masterpiece was shattered into a million pieces. A knot formed in his stomach as he thought, he had just been standing there. 

"Crap, dude, you totally demolished it!" Kurt's gaze continued to examine the damage, "And like the four valls behind it."

"Don't you EVER talk about Jean that way!" Scott growled.

"Sorry, dude I thought ve vere just pretending" Kurt apologized.

As the pair continued to survey the scene Professor Xavier rolled into the room with a less than happy Logan.

"What is the meaning of this!?!" Professor Xavier yelled. Kurt had never seen him angry, but at this moment he was definitely ticked off. 

Kurt's blue, fuzzy finger shot up quickly a pointed at Scott, "He started it!"

"I don't care who started it!" Wolverine said gruffly, "You're both grounded for life. And I think a couple thousand extra Danger Room secessions are in order, but until then stay in your rooms or you'll have me to deal with!" 

Kurt and Scott looked at each other. They were glad that they had succeeded in their task but upset that they would have to answer to Wolverine in the Danger Room.

Scott shot Kurt an angry glance , but he muttered, "Yes, sir." They both groaned with annoyance as they retreated to their bedrooms. 

"That's vondeful. During Danger Room battles, trash the house as much as you like. But do it vhen you're not in a secession and get grounded and quality Wolverine time." Kurt slammed his door. 


	3. NightTime Visitors

Chapter 3: Night-Time Visitors

Summary: Later that night Kurt and Scott set out to find the answers. 

***

The mansion was silent and Kurt hadn't heard a sound in what had seemed liked forever. Kurt's eyes slowly opened and he glanced over at the clock. The clock clearly blinked the red neon numbers 12:03. 

Everyone should be asleep. 

Kurt threw off his quilt and pulled on his shirt then walked cautiously over to the door. He twisted the doorknob as slowly as possible and gritted his teeth at the slight squeak. Kurt held his breath and waited for a sound, but none came. He poked his head out the door and looked to the right and then the left. 

The halls were vacant. 

He crept down the hallway towards the wreckage, that used to be the dining room. But the sound of a nearby door opening startled him. Kurt turned around quickly to see a rather groggy Wolverine coming his way; claws exposed. Before Wolverine could turn his head Kurt returned to his room and bamfed to Scott's. 

A lump of sheets and a comforter concealed his best friend. Out of the top Kurt could barely make out the brown hair, ruffled like a chickens feathers.

"Hey shades." Kurt whispered.

All he received was an irritated grunt as Scott rolled over on his other side. 

"Scott, we're under attack!" Kurt shouted.

"What?!?" Scott said as his right hand flew to his visor.

"Just kidding." Kurt replied, "But it's time to go." 

"Go where?" Scott mumbled. 

"To find out vhat's going to clean up our little mess in the dinning room." Kurt answered.

"Now let's go." 

Kurt seized Scott's and the next thing they knew they were in the dinning room. 

***

Kurt's eyes adjusted to the dim light quickly. The crumbled walls were just as they'd left them that afternoon. Kurt looked at Scott who scanned the room for any sign of repairs. A feral growl from down the hallway made them both turn and stare. Wolverine hadn't given up. He ran down the hallway, in full uniform, searching for the intruder he had heard earlier. 

"We're going to die!" Scott said shooting an angry glance at Kurt. 

"Not yet." Kurt searched the room for somewhere to hide. It seemed like all hope was lost. Then Kurt's gaze shot up. A fancy grand chandelier was suspended from the ceiling. Kurt had many a time hung from the jewel covered light fixture, trying to get food off the breakfast table. It had always held before, but Kurt wasn't sure if it could accommodate for the new weight. He looked at Scott once more. 

Only one way to find out, he thought. 

He grabbed Scott's wrist once more. 

*Bamf*

Wolverine slammed on the breaks as he entered the dinning room. His breathing was raged and his claws shone in the moonlight that leaked through the window. 

He's going to smell us, Kurt thought, his heart pounding in his chest.

Wolverine sniffed the air. His eyes were narrowed into tiny slits as he circled around the room. Slowly a look of confusion spread across his face, "I smell the elf, but I don't see the elf...Scott? Kurt?" He circled around once more, "I think I'm losing my edge." He turned around and drowsily returned to his room.

"That was close" Kurt breathed.

"To close." Scott continued.

"So now what do we do?" Cyclops questioned.

"We wait." Then as is if those words triggered a reaction, Kurt heard tiny voices in the distance. His eyes flew towards the sound and what he saw astounded him. Tiny creatures were walking over to the rubble. He hadn't seen where they'd come from or heard them until that moment, but now from their spot high in the chandelier Kurt saw clearly. 

"Scott, look!" Kurt murmured.

The little men were wearing tiny yellow sprite-like outfits that seemed to have come out of a Mother Goose storybook. Each of them had tiny pointed ears and a pickax over their shoulder.

"Hey Kurt, we found your family." Scott joked.

"Dude, so not funny." Kurt said as he punched Scott's shoulder.

"Shhh, we don't want them to know we're here Kurt." Scott responded.

Then the little men began to work. Kurt and Scott watched amazed as the walls seemed to fix themselves. The rubble had almost been cleared out on its own and the room was completely clean around 1:30 a.m.. As Kurt's eyelids began to sag he heard the pitter-patter of tiny feet. 

"No way! That wall looks brand new!" Kurt exclaimed.

"It's clean!?!" Scott asked shocked. 

"What are those things?" Kurt questioned.

"They're just like elves that construct. They're¾ they're construction elves!" Scott concluded.

"Where do you think they're going?" Kurt asked, watching them go.

"I dunno." Scott replied lamely. 

"Let's find out."


	4. Construction Elves

Chapter 4: Construction Elves

PLEASE Read and Review!

This is kinda goofy, but I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. 

***

"Shouldn't we tell the others what we've just seen?" Scott asked.

"No vey! This is our mission!" Kurt retorted, "Come on."

Kurt seized Scott's wrist and teleported to the floor. The twelve tiny elves were walking outside, into the courtyard. Kurt and Scott made it a point to follow at a distance, so that the elves would remain unaware of their presence. When they reached the center of the courtyard, Kurt and Scott's mouths dropped as they witnessed the angelic fountain rise into the air, revealing a tunnel. 

"Does The Professor know about this?" Kurt whispered.

"Dude, I don't think anyone knows about this." Scott replied.

As the little men began to enter the underground tunnel a series of tiny voices started to sing the song:

"Wee are the con-struc-tion elves, 

Wee fix the Xavier House, 

And they don't even have a clue,

Ha, ha , ha,

You'd think they'd know what goes on,

In their mansion home,

But not even the bald guy's got a clue. 

Scott and Kurt looked at each bewildered as the elves continued their high-pitched chant.

"Are ve in a Disney movie or vhat? Kurt asked.

"You've got me. But, dude, you really need to stop insulting your family."

Kurt narrowed his golden eyes at Scott and replied, "It's no longer funny. Maybe the first time....no, not even the first time! It's old!"

The pair continued after the elves into the dim tunnel as Kurt stuck out his tongue in annoyance at Scott. They made their way by listening to the shrill voices sing their repetitive song for what seemed like an hour. Muddy water splashed at their ankles and soaked their shoes. Night sounds filled their ears, adding an eerie feel to their journey. Finally, they glimpsed a patch of light in the distance and the elves' silhouettes disappeared from the tunnel. 

Scott and Kurt's jaws dropped as the Brotherhood House came into view. The tiny men marched over to the door and Kurt grinned as three of them stacked on each other's shoulder to reach the door. 

"No way. They're working for the enemy." Scott said angrily. "They must be wiring our house with explosives, in an attempt to kill us all!! Ha hahahaha! Scott yelled as his hands flew in the air.

"Scott, get a hold of yourself." Kurt shouted back as he grabbed Scott by the shoulders and shook him violently.

"I knew it! I just knew it! Lance is behind it all! Everyone mocked me, but I knew it was true. Alvers was behind it all! Jean was always telling me that I needed to lighten up but I knew it then and I know it now. He is secretly plotting my demise, along with those flying hamsters of doom. You have to watch out for them.....them and their explosive coconuts!"

"Flying hamsters of doom?" Kurt mouthed in confusion, "I knew if you didn't chill out you'd snap and drive yourself mad someday."

"Hurry the elves are getting away." Scott yelled as he made a mad dash for the front door.

The elves were already in the house when Kurt bamfed to the entrance. Scott was halfway up the stairs but the elves had yet to notice their presence. Cyclops caught sight of the little men and crept after them into an open door. 

Kurt hurried after his clinically-insane buddy with a sigh and jumped as Scott ran out the door and nearly knocked him over. 

"Dude, you do not want to go in there." Scott said with a look of shock.

"Scott, are you back, man? Do you know anything of hamsters or coconuts?" Kurt narrowed his eyes, suspiciously. 

"Coconuts, hamsters? What?" Scott asked his eyebrows arched.

"Whatever you saw must have brought you back to reality."

"Kurt, you REALLY don't want to go in there"

"Now that you said that I've got to." Kurt said as he bamfed into the room

What he saw would stay with him forever. 

The little men from the mansion, or at least the last one, was crawling into a giant black hole. Kurt watched the tiny feet kicking and squirming, fighting to get into the opening. Kurt stepped back, trying to analyze what he was seeing. 

The darkness of the room provided little light, but just enough for a mutant named Nightcrawler to make out a bed and a hill of sheets. The little man was gone now, forever lost to a realm only known as . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

THE BLOB'S ANUS!!!!!!! Music Sounds - Dun Dun Dunn!!!!!

The End!

This chapter was a little crazy, even for me, but I thought it was funny. I had something, and I decided to work with it. 

EPILOGUE:  
Kurt and Scott left the mansion that day and NEVER, NEVER told anyone of what they had seen. They decided to take The Professor's advice and just leave some things alone. Some things are just better that way.


End file.
